Dr. Captain

Captain’s Log.  Daddy Chronicles.  Diaper Date 1697.  The Captain was presented with a situation.  Though I had not slept in a Holiday Inn the previous night, I was being called upon to be a doctor.  An orthopedic toy doctor.  Here is my report:

The patient presented with some very clear implications of foul play.


Patient was a plastic toy – approximately 3 inches tall, 2.5 grams in weight.  Blood pressure and pulse were normal for a piece of plastic.  Age of the patient was unknown.

Patient complained of lack of use of her lower extremities – which she brought with her in a heap.  Patient lost her legs and pelvic region while attempting to squeeze into a pair of size zero pants.  Patient was in good spirits and positive about the potential operation.  Her guardian, in the meantime, was in tears sobbing.

The Resident Nurse tried to comfort the guardian by saying we would do the best that we could do, but that Miss Pocket was most likely going to lose the use of her lower extremities and would be stuck in a seated position for the reminder of her natural pre recycled life.  Miss Pocket’s guardian took this as well as she could.

I, Dr. Captain, was determined to completely rehabilitate the young toy.  This case presented a number of complications.


The patient did not require any anesthetic.  Miss Pocket was placed on the kitchen counter and prepped for the procedure.  Procedure began at approximately 08:32 hours.


The first step was to reset the legs and half of the pelvic region.  This was a complicated step, but an important one nonetheless.  Patient required 0.5 CC’s of Duro Super Glue.  DSG was applied to the flexor joints in section RPC 2, 3, and 5.  Upon completion, the pelvic pieces required being held in a vice like state for a predetermined periof of time.


They told us that we couldn’t do it.  Yet, we did.  Miss Pocket not only was put back together again, but is able to resume all activities.  Miss Pocket smiled through the entire procedure.  It was a little awkward.  The guardian was thrilled.  Another satisfied customer.

Dr. Captain out.

Don’t forget the usual…

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2 thoughts on “Dr. Captain”

  1. Now I know where to come when I need help with toy surgery and rehabilitation. WebMD is of no use in these situations! Thanks for the laugh.


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