My Kid Ate My Fair


Captain’s Log. Diaper Date 1795.  Daddy Chronicles.  Yesterday we attended the Indiana State Fair. For dinner.  Yep, that is how the Captain’s family rolls.  We intended to consume the annual meal of fried yumminess.
Before kids, the Captain and Mrs. could meander about the Fair and look at animals eat food to our hearts’ content.  Then the eldest came along.  She threatened our Fair budget then ultimately broke it when she discovered the rides.
At any rate, we have a scripted menu that we usually hit up: ears of corn, turkey leg, fried veggies, meat of some sort, ribbon potatoes, fried cheese, lemon shakeups (only with real lemons not that fake stuff), and root beer.  And a candy apple.
This year, do you know what the Captain ate? Some of Mrs. Captain’s turkey leg.  A little bit of a potato ribbon, rib tips, and root beer.
This is the first time I have ever left the fair hungry. Why?
Because the Eldest is a parasite. Or has tapeworm. Or is Growing.
Bottom line- my daughter ate my Fair.  Not just my fair share.  I think she ate the whole fair.
She ate- corn, cotton candy, candy Apple, most of my potato ribbon, lemon milkshake, helped the Diaper Dweller eliminate the first lemon shakeup (mostly spilling), some turkey leg, fried cheese, and I am sure she inhaled something else whilst the Captain’s back was turned.
On top of all that.  As the Captain is pulling the wagon out of the fair, she looks up with a sweet expression and says, “Where are we going for dinner?”
And this is why the Fair is only once a year.
For now, Captain hungry and out.

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