Captain’s Log. Daddy Chronicles. Diaper Date 1986.
I have to admit there are times that I let my testosterone get the best of me. I like to lift heavy things, throw heavy things, and occasionally flex in mall mirrors while humming Hulk Hogan’s theme music (Real American) and buldging my eyes as big as I think my pythons (biceps) are.
Compounding this testosterone problem is the task of bringing in the groceries. I do a lot of the shopping, but even if I don’t I usually bring the groceries in the house.
How many of you face this challenge? My goal is to make as few trips as possible. Preferably one. I will crack the eggs, smash the bread, and destroy anything necessary in order to get all the groceries in quickly. I have no shame.
Eggs are easy to replace. Pride lasts forever. Write that down.
Now sometimes this is out of necessity – if it is cold, rainy, or if there is a rerun of Knight Rider or the A -Team on.
But honestly, most of the time I am merely trying to set a new PR (personal record) in grocery carrying ining (I know it ain’t a word. Just go with it.).
Enter Pinterest. Pinterest helped me become a better man.
Some may call it cheating. Some may consider it a performance enhancer, but I have discovered a secret – the caribiner. You know those things you put your water bottle, keys, or mountain climbing rope on?
Yeah, it is good for groceries too.
I wasn’t blessed with large hands. In fact, my hands are the only thing separating me from being a Norse god. That, and I’m not Norse.
Anyways, even with my Fetus Fists of Furry (TM), I am able to carry a bulk of the bags with the use of a caribiner.
Pinterest just upped my game. Now with the strength of Hercules, I am no longer hamstrung by the FFoF (FFF for short).
Imagine if I had two caribiners. Mind blown.
So what I am trying to tell you is a couple things –
1. Try a caribiner. It makes carrying bags easier. Two might be illegal, but ill have to try that first.
2. Pinterest can be manly. Don’t sleep on it!
That’s it for now. I’m gonna load up some bags and get a workout in. I might even volunteer to help an old lady carry her bags for some practice. As long as she doesn’t have eggs, bread, or anything breakable.
For now…Captain out!
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“Eggs are easy to replace. Pride lasts forever.”
I’m going to crochet that on a pillow. Which you’ll probably see on Pinterest in the near future.