My Swearing Minivan

I don’t swear around my children. If my mom is reading this, I don’t swear at all. And while I do know they are going to hear things from other people, I try to make sure that I keep their environment as clean as possible.

So yesterday morning, the girl and I are getting ready to leave and I hit the remote starter for my minivan (I like my vehicle to be a little warm when I get in). As we are walking out, I noticed the car is playing at high decibels – higher than I normally listen to anything.

At any rate, as I approach the car, I realize that the car is stuck on the comedy channel and whatever routine is being broadcast has more four letter words being hurled than the deck of a pirate ship.

I frantically hit the button to kill the remote start, the car stops.

The radio keeps playing.

As I open my door, “You gotta ducking* be kidding me! Get the duck out of here!l (*note “ducking” and “duck” were not the words being uttered, they have been altered to preserve the innocence of my blog.)

I slammed the door shut. Hit the remote starter again hoping to restart the radio.

It was unsuccessful. The ducks were still flying around in my car- which was loud enough that I’m sure my neighbors could hear what the flock was going on.

I killed the engine again, and the radio once again thwarted my efforts. My daughter yelled at me (because that was the only way to communicate) to turn the radio off. I yelled back that I was trying, but I needed her to step back away from the car.

The volume controls didn’t work, the power button didn’t work. I was thinking of taking out the battery. I was sure that my minivan was possessed.

Somehow, the radio stopped. I’m not sure what I did, but the ducks stayed at bay.

I got my daughter in the now silent car. I had adorned her ears with headphones to listen to music – in case the ducks returned.

I cautiously turn the car on, and the radio came back. I quickly hit the radio button, and the station changed. I hit the power button and it turned off.


Of all the things I thought I had to deal with that day, I didn’t think it would include a fowl mouthed car. (Sorry had to do that last pun.)

At the time, the ducks just weren’t funny. But when I look back, this will be a morning that quacks me up. (seriously, I’m sorry. I have to insert puns. It’s a thing.)

That’s all for now…Captain out.

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