Captain’s Log. Daddy Chronicles. Diaper Date 1700. As DD 1701 begins, the Captain gets to reflect on the previous 1700 days as a daddy. Here is what the Captain has learned…
– It is always a bad idea to toss or shake a child above your head right after they have eaten. One of you will find it cute. The other will puke.
-Sleep is like crude oil. Once you find it, harvest it. Enjoy it.
– Vaccum cleaners knock babies out. Baby crying? Turn the Hoover on.
– Nothing can prepare you for the stench and feel of being puked on. Maybe being a Residence Life staff member at a college, but those aren’t your kids.
-The dog always knows the best spot to sit at under the table. Next to the youngest eater.
-Be thankful. The canine helps clean.
-Potty training is about training the adult as much as it is the kid.
– Your conversations with friends change. Instead of sports? Poop. Politics? Poop. (Might be the same thing.) Vacation? Pee and poop.
-Public restrooms are usually a nightmare. Pack a hazmat suit. And wash. Everything. Burn suit when done.
-The changing station in the men’s room will either be broken or in the assessible stall – which will be the only stall. Which means you will hold up traffic. Care not. Change the diaper.
-No matter how happy Dora makes your kid, you still hope that Swiper swipes her.
-Your living room becomes the used car lot for toys.
– Cats like puzzle pieces. And silly bandz.
-Bedtime is an idea not a deadline.
-Even though you cook frozen food for the kids, it winds up in freezer to cool off.
-Never go to the Children’s Museum or Zoo on the free days.
-Popsicles fix nearly everything.
-A good book before bed helps everyone sleep.
-Spiders are our friends.
-Spiders are hard to kill.
-Spell all you want. You get confused and the kids STILL know what you are talking about.
-The baby market is full of shams, but some products do make your life easier. Good luck.
-I’m no expert on kids, but I am an expert on mine. People will always judge the way you parent, but you do what’s right for your kid not what’s the popular decision with other parents. This can ne the hardest lesson to learn.
These 1700 days have been awesome. Some highs. Some lows. Here’s to another set of 1700 and beyond.
Captain out.
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