Celebrating 37 Years…


Today The Captain celebrates 37 years of excellence mediocrity life.  He would like to take a moment and thank some important people.  To my mom and dad who made my miraculous birth possible –
the details of which we will not discuss as I don’t have enough money to.cover the copays of therapy.  I am truly sorry for the time I almost got the police called on you in Sears when I pretended to be abused because you guys wouldn’t buy maple nut goodies.  Thank you for raising me, loving me, and being there. 
To my sister- Thank you for not leaving me in the mall (the mall was a bad place to be with me, I guess) when I was six and told the police officer that you abducted me and were holding me against my will because I was mad that you wouldn’t buy me that Hot Wheels car after you had already gotten me McDonald’s (psst McD’s I mention you…will you be “in touch”?) and taken me to the mall on your first day with a driver’s liscence. You deserved a better little brother.  Unfortunately, they are all out of stock, so you are stuck with me.  You are the best big sister a little disaster of a brother like me can have.  
To my friends- Thanks for being bad influences when I needed to take life a little less seriously.  Thank you for also reminding me who I am when I took it too jovially.  I have the best friends in the world.  Bar none.  Yours might be as good as mine, but not better. 
To my wife- 
Thank you for dealing with my scattered brain and bad puns.  Sorry about the time I lost you at the Jimmy Buffet concert.  It really was not intentional.  One day you will truly admire me for my comedic genius, but right now I want you to know that I admire you for so much.  Thank you for being you and being with me and being the best mom my kids can have.
To my kids –
You two are amazing.  For perpetual machines of destruction, defecation, and sleep deprivation, you guys are loveable.  I grow more each day because of you.  I can’t wait to see what all I learn from you and how you grow.  The only thing I can truly give you is an empire DNA and love.  The rest is up to you, but know that I will always be here.  Not literally here in this physical spot, but you know what I mean.  My metaphorical door is always open. 
To my readers-
Thank you for taking the time to read my musings.  I could hug each of you – especially those that leave comments and tweet me.  I look forward to a long relationship with you. Please keep coming back.
For now…Captain out!
Shamless plug.  Check out the new Life of Dad video. The Captain makes a cameo in this one. Set secret…I have no idea what I am measuring or cutting!

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4 thoughts on “Celebrating 37 Years…”

  1. Bro- you are the best brother ever. Even though you broke (all) of my stuff. And couldn’t keep my birthday present a secret. And intentionally got out of eating your peas (that horrible kool aid accident). And people ALWAYS GAVE YOU FREE STUFF !! (nope. I’m not bitter). Anyway, you are the best brother ever. And I love you. Happy Birthday.


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