Today The Captain celebrates 37 years of excellence mediocrity life. He would like to take a moment and thank some important people. To my mom and dad who made my miraculous birth possible –
the details of which we will not discuss as I don’t have enough money to.cover the copays of therapy. I am truly sorry for the time I almost got the police called on you in Sears when I pretended to be abused because you guys wouldn’t buy maple nut goodies. Thank you for raising me, loving me, and being there.
To my sister- Thank you for not leaving me in the mall (the mall was a bad place to be with me, I guess) when I was six and told the police officer that you abducted me and were holding me against my will because I was mad that you wouldn’t buy me that Hot Wheels car after you had already gotten me McDonald’s (psst McD’s I mention you…will you be “in touch”?) and taken me to the mall on your first day with a driver’s liscence. You deserved a better little brother. Unfortunately, they are all out of stock, so you are stuck with me. You are the best big sister a little disaster of a brother like me can have.
To my friends- Thanks for being bad influences when I needed to take life a little less seriously. Thank you for also reminding me who I am when I took it too jovially. I have the best friends in the world. Bar none. Yours might be as good as mine, but not better.
To my wife-
Thank you for dealing with my scattered brain and bad puns. Sorry about the time I lost you at the Jimmy Buffet concert. It really was not intentional. One day you will truly admire me for my comedic genius, but right now I want you to know that I admire you for so much. Thank you for being you and being with me and being the best mom my kids can have.
To my kids –
You two are amazing. For perpetual machines of destruction, defecation, and sleep deprivation, you guys are loveable. I grow more each day because of you. I can’t wait to see what all I learn from you and how you grow. The only thing I can truly give you is an empire DNA and love. The rest is up to you, but know that I will always be here. Not literally here in this physical spot, but you know what I mean. My metaphorical door is always open.
To my readers-
Thank you for taking the time to read my musings. I could hug each of you – especially those that leave comments and tweet me. I look forward to a long relationship with you. Please keep coming back.
For now…Captain out!
Shamless plug. Check out the new Life of Dad video. The Captain makes a cameo in this one. Set secret…I have no idea what I am measuring or cutting!
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