I Need a Trick

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We now return to your regularly scheduled post…
Captain’s Log. Daddy Chronicles. Diaper Date 2109. So The Eldest has already been kicking around ideas for her birthday…which isn’t until September. I have heard about Barbie cakes, Beiber cakes (Lord help me), bounce houses, and Monkey Joes.
Apparently the six year party is the prep for the sweet sixteen party.
At any rate this got me thinking.
I need a trick. I need a skill that sets me up as the ultimate birthday party dad.
Juggling? My hands are too small. I can only juggle two objects at a time. The Fetus Fists of Fury are not designed for such entertainment.
Magic? I would want to tell everyone how I did the trick.
Animal Balloons? Tried that one at the Diaper Dweller’s party. Everything looked inappropriate. “Mommy, what is it?”
“Honey. It is a giant pink phallic flamingo. We are leaving.”
I can snap apples in half – the FFofF are small but powerful, yet apples can get messy. Not a great idea. Besides who wants apples that have been crushed in someone’s hand?
The potential list of Ultimate Dad tricks was dwindling. Then I came up with a brilliant plan – ice sculptures with chainsaws.
Except, I don’t own a chainsaw. However, if I can find a Homelite chainsaw, I now know where to find replacement parts.
Besides, I will probably need replacement parts as I practice.
Just think of it, I could carve names, faces, characters, fish, whatever out of huge hunks of ice. The party goers will be enthralled with The Captain’s skill and artistic ability.
And if I get good enough then people will hire me to come and do family portraits, weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, and the like.
Except, where do you think you get the huge hunks of ice? That might be a deal breaker. My freezer isn’t that big.
I might need to rethink this one. And fast. I have less than three months to get ready.
For now…Captain out.

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