What I Didn’t Name My Kids


Today I was reminded of what I didn’t name my kids. A long time ago (like middle school) I used to joke that I would name the kids after the chores that I would have them do – making it easy for them (and me) to remember what their chore was. I would be able to groom them from birth.

The trick, of course, would be to figure out which chores I hated the most so that I could assign my kids’ names accordingly.

Originally, I had Laundry, Dishes, and Cat Litter picked out. Apparently one that I should have considered was Leaves.


Nine bags of leaves, and 15k steps, later and my rake was done. Fortunately that meant I was too – even though I had resorted to using a snow shovel to pick up the remaining leaves.

In retrospect, I’m glad that I didn’t name the kids after the chores, because it would have been awkward to ask Cat Litter to do the laundry, or for Dishes to wash the dog. But then again, I could have gotten creative with middle names.

At any rate, I learned a few valuable lessons today – indestructible never applied to me, yard work is healthy, and you shouldn’t name kids when you are a kid.

It is a shame though, Hammer is a pretty cool name.

That’s it for now, Captain…out.

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