Sleep Is For the Weak

Captain’s Log. Daddy Chronicles. Diaper Date 2126. The Captain does not like to write in the negative hyperbole much, but right now…I hate life (meaning I just need to vent). It is currently 5 to 4. In the morning. I have had an hour of sleep. The Diaper Dweller has been up most of the night after a rough day of screeching and an early (but not too early) entrance into sleepy land.
Breaking it down like a football game, here are my stats: I have had 0 conversions in the Red Zone – meaning I have not successfully lulled the boy to sleep.
I have had at least 4 turnovers – cases where he was close to sleep and I fumbled the attempt by bumping into a toy or stopped rocking.
The Diaper Dweller is winning the time of possession game as he has been awake and so have I.
There have been no penalties…so far, but one ejection.
At one point, he was close to sleep and I bumped into a faulty Buzz Lightyear. Buzz has sand in his innermost workings and so he stutters, buzzes, and chirps without stopping. Therefore, I was forced to have Buzz ejected by removing his batteries.
In the meantime, Dora is the halftime show (Boots had a wardrobe malfunction when he lost his boots) and hopefully The Captain will rally in overtime.
Currently, I am praying that Fisher Price creates a pain free, FDA approved, emergency sleep tranquil blow dart. If nothing else I can use it on El Buzzo.
For now…Captainupout.

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