My Son Ate Honest Abe

Captain’s Log.  Daddy Chronicles.  Diaper Date 1644.

A penny saved is a penny earned. 

The Captain is pretty accustomed to changing diapers.  The scent of waste is no longer daunting.  Not to say that the Captain welcomes it, or is going to bottle it and sell it as a fragrance, but it is simply an odor you come to expect as a parent.

A couple days ago, the Captain had finally tackled the Diaper Dweller and had him pinned to the floor.  To keep things in perspective, the Diaper Dweller had been feverish two of the previous three days.  The Captain loves his boy, but the Diaper Dweller can scream and cry when it comes to diaper changes – it is not a pleasant experience.  It’s like he doesn’t want to let go.

In the midst of this particular diaper change, the Captain noticed that there was something different about the “waste” this diaper.  The Captain swears that the Diaper Dweller stopped crying long enough so that he could turn and smile.  Why was he smiling?

At some point the meddling, mischievous, monstrosity found and swallowed a penny.

Never know where Abe and his homies have been. Think twice before putting coins in your mouth...

The DD definitely has a sense of humor.  He knows timing.  He waited for the Captain’s reaction to the tip he left me.  Then he smiled again.  When I put him back on his back to put the new diaper on…he started crying again.

Now previously I mentioned a series of transgressions that I apologized to my mother for.  It seems I forgot one.  Way back in the day when the Captain was the same age the Diaper Dweller is now, people used to give the Captain things.  My mother claims that they thought I was a cute baby.  My older sister claims that they felt sorry for me.  My father simply tried to convince me that we were Polish (He did successfully for a week .  True story.  My name was Yash.  Yes, Yash.  I was 6 and confused.  Much love to my Polish brothers and sisters.), but had no explanation why people gave me things.

What gifts did people give to me?  Oh, lots of things.

Dell Alston gave me my first Major League souvenir – an autographed baseball.  I still have that ball.  Granted I let the Eldest see it (she was 2) and she let the dog see it…and well you can still see the smiley face and “Alston”, but otherwise it looks like Roy Hobbs hit it.

At Stop N Shop women would give me pennies.  And I ate them.  Put the Captain’s mother into a panic.   My pediatrician’s response after I ate three?  “Give him two more and he will have a nickel.  Don’t worry.  They will pass.”

I’m not sure if I laughed or cried.  But I loved the attention the ladies gave me.  What can I say?  My looks paid off.  And now my son is trying to pay me back.

We do watch him like a hawk, but now we are going to have to step up surveillance.  Historically, President Lincoln was in office before the Secret Service.  Consider the Captain, Mrs. Captain, and the Eldest his first members.  Honest Abe will be safe in our house.

Soon we will teach the Diaper Dweller the importance of using a bank.

For now…Captain Out!

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