Dear Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,
I say this with all due respect – and I mean with all due respect. You need to tender your resignation. Effective immediately.
Did I mention I say this with all due respect? I am in awe of your power, your grace, your flexibility. But lately, I have to question your judgement.
A snow day? In March? Mrs. Captain has named this Snarch (Snow in March). I have named it an inconvenience. Snow day? Seriously?
Look, I know that you gave us an emissary – that groundhog in Pennsylvania. He’s cool and all, but I think he is starting to suffer from Stockholm Syndrome or something. Or he just doesn’t get you anymore. (I will ask for his resignation next.)
Point being, Momma Nat (can I call you that?), you are ignoring our needs. It is baseball season, yet you are restricting us to the indoors. Baseball wasn’t meant to be played indoors. You used to like the game. Now it is like you just don’t care. Rain, snow, wind, etc – it is almost like a spin wheel. I can’t keep up.
Okay. Okay. I’m gonna give it to you straight. I hate the fact that despite the snow days and two hour delays…I still can’t sleep in. I guess that is my real gripe. And baseball. I want to be able to coach baseball. Outside. In short sleeves.
Also, this summer – don’t turn the sun on so hot. You killed a lot of corn and I like corn. A lot. And I like the sprinkler in the summer, so don’t make it so dry that we have a water ban. Although I liked the no fireworks thing…but I digress.
Fix the sun setting. It was 80+ degrees last year and now I’m wearing a babushka. And I don’t even know what that is. I should be wearing my two piece (my baseball uniform – don’t you go getting any crazy ideas).
Glad we had this heart to heart. Hey, are you even listening to me? It’s. still. Snowing. Turn the machine off. We don’t want anymore.
Well, since you dropped an impromptu blizzard on us, I GUESS I will just have to endure the laughs and fun with my kids. Okay, I get it. I’ll enjoy it. But for future reference. We can have fun in the sun too.
I’ll put you on probation for the season. We’ll chat again soon.
Yours Truly,
The Captain

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