I Want To Be Bieber’s Pillow Cover

Captain’s Log. Daddy Chronicles. Diaper Date 2136. Boy bands and teen heartthrobs have been around for ages. As a dad I figured that I would eventually encounter the evils of said performers, but I did not realize that it would be this early.
The Eldest is five. Almost six. And what does she want for her birthday party? A Justin Bieber party. I have to say that I do not know Bieber personally. He might be a nice kid. He might not be. I can’t speak to, or against, his personal characteristics.
I can say that I am tired of seeing his face. The Eldest has a CD, and in a moment of weakness, Mrs. Captain conceded the purchase of a T-shirt in order to get out of a store in a timely manner. I have tried to lose the shirt multiple times, but she keeps finding it.
At any rate, it is amazing how many things you can purchase with this kid’s image on it. He haunts, taunts, and torments us parents – unless of course you count yourself as one of those Beliebers or whatever they are called.
I think parents should have recourse. I’m not talking about picketing concerts, smashing records CDs, or burning shirts. All those things cost time and money. I’m talking real recourse. Guerrilla, grass roots, revenge.
I think we parents should start printing our faces on pillow cases, toilet paper, wallets, blankets, shirts, magazines, in the same poses as the stars – spoofing them. Letting them know that while our kids are listening…we are watching. We are there.
If we have to constantly see them then they should see us. Everywhere. Their tour buses should have our images. Their hotels should be plastered with pictures of us. They should hear commercials of us covering their songs in horrific voices. They should wear shoes with our names on them, clothes cut the way we wear them, and get their hair styled the way we do. Drink water from bottles with our pictures printed on them.
And every time that one of these stars gets arrested, I think judges should fine them and award that money at random to parents of kids that are fans. A rebate program of sorts.
Okay, so I’m a little bitter, and truthfully I shouldn’t be yet because I only have two pieces of Beiberband. I guess I am merely bracing myself for the future. I fear the day of the first concert, the influx of magazines, the school folders with pictures taped to them, and the lockers filled with photos and such.
Well, in the meantime I’m gonna see if I can find a sponsor to start screenprinting my face on pillowcases. And then I’ll send one to JB. Belieb that.
For now…Captain out

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