My resume is extensive, and, if I may humbly say so, impressive.
No, not my work resume (though I am proud of that). My parenting resume. Ahhh. Now your wheels are turning.
Think about it. Think about all the hats we parents wear on a daily basis. It is overwhelming, challenging, and, sometimes, fun. Obviously there is a different application process for becoming a parent, but imagine if you had to submit a resume. Here are some imaginary entries that most parents can identify with:
Job Titles:
Chief Executive Monster Destroyer
Assistant Lunch Distributor
Co Director of Toddler Activities
Master of Ceremonies and Tea Parties.
Diaper Technician
Sick Day Supervisor
Finder of Lost Toys
Toy Repair Technician
Taster of Foods
Independent Home Rehabilitator
Crayon Organization Consultant
Dress-up Costumer
Chief Tub Supervisor
Public Relations Officer
Conflict Resolution Advisor
Punching Bag
Scapegoat
1st 2nd and 3rd Shift Supervisor
Glitter Magnet
Chief Nap Consultant
Potty Trainer
Shoe Tie-er
Bike Chaser
Bodyguard
Chief Hug and Kiss Officer
Skills:
Ability to use restroom while rocking sick baby.
Able to leap over mounds of Legos in a single bound.
Expert catcher of projectile vomit in vehicles.
Can sleep with one eye open.
Can sing, rock, sway, and do dishes.
Able to identify the difference between Cookie Monster and Grover from Sesame Street.
Able to read stories in thematic voices. Repeatedly.
Achieved the successful watching of the same Disney film 30 times.
Has eyes in the back of head.
Can hear and smell danger a mile away.
Able to disguise vegetables and fruits as food.
Can operate on 2 hours interrupted sleep.
Runs on lukewarm coffee.
Can read books upside down in the dark – with a British accent.
Can do the new math.
Able to color inside the lines.
Can navigate roads while listening to Let it Go for the 50th time.
Namer of children.
And that’s just what I thought of while brewing the coffee. What would parental resumes look like?
That’s all I’ve got for now…Captain Out.
(This is embarrassing, but I don’t know how to get the little accent above the e in resume. Help? Thanks.) 
Hahaha! Wonderful!
Parents are amazing. I knew this, but never fully appreciated it until I found myself being one.
Sharing!
Thanks, Hannah!
Awesome! This is great! I was a stay at home mum and I loved my job – the commute was great but the feedback wasn’t always (ever) very positive. However, I got over my fear of peeing while being watched. And eating, and dressing, and pretending to sleep, and reading, and cleaning my nose…
( Assuming you have a Mac – to input the letter é, hold down the Option key, then the E key. Release both keys then type lowercase e.) 🙂